Monday, February 07, 2011

Loose Connections

This may get a little graphic.

As I rapidly approach 35, and possibly another 40 years of this, I find myself more and more asking that unanswerable question: why?  Not, like, "Why are we here?" or "Why can't man right his own evil?"  More like, "Why is the world like this?"

After another failed would-be romance, I recently found myself at a bit of a crossroads.  I could simply get back on that horse, sign up for another dating website, log into some chat room or something, and see if I can find The One.  Or I can very easily not do any of those things and retire from dating.  I've tried both, and neither of them seem to bring much satisfaction, but the retirement brings fewer gray hairs.  In the last couple years, I went on several first dates (more than I ever thought I would go on in my entire life) and each time, when I e-mailed seeing if they wanted to go out again, they said the exact same thing: "I just didn't feel a connection."  Now, I have (finally!) come to terms with the fact that some people just don't "feel it" when it comes to others, especially in a dating situation.  I have not "felt it" sometimes, but I was usually willing to give them a second try.  Maybe it's different with men, because we can not feel anything and still usually "perform" in the physical sense.  I suppose women do need to feel stuff in order for them to allow men to do *that* inside of them.

Still, I am left wondering what is it that makes me so unconnectable?  I mean, I know I'm not supposed to connect with everybody, but should I connect with somebody?  My friend told me that because I'm a nice guy, and relatively easy-going, I sense a connection with almost everybody I meet, which leads me to say ridiculous things or perhaps come on too strong.  Probably a fair point, but I think I've been around long enough to know when a connection pretty genuine.  And think about this; looking at them now, I doubt very seriously my mother felt a strong connection for my father when they met, but here they are over forty years later, still married.

There's the rub, my friends.  Times have changed.  Forty years ago, people just met, dated, got married.  A simpler time.  They didn't even have to pay for cable or internet or DVD's,... No wonder they could stay together.  Where were the financial troubles?  Now, we need connections.  We need to be connected by our phones, via twitter, facebook  We need to shop around when we're dating.  It seems that even though people have become more tolerant of race and color, we have lost a tolerance for the little things ("Now, Joe, I have no problem with you being black, but that noise you make with your teeth?  There's no way we can stay a couple under the circumstances.")  I don't know when or how it happened, but it did.

Most importantly, I don't know why.

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