Wednesday, February 01, 2012

I Believe

I don't usually believe in jinxes and curses, because if i did, I'd also have to believe in their opposites; luck, karma, fate, pretty much all that.

Since rejoining the dating world in 2012 (well, late 2011.  Wanted to hit the new year running.) I have met five women: Leslie the Lesbian, Gums (from last week's post), Mira (who I adored but has not gotten back to me), Stone-Face, and now the latest and greatest, Amelia.  Four out of five really shitty endings, and one annoying disappointment.  But you can't win 'em all, right?

Sure, sure, but before you get all philosophical, let me tell you the story of Amelia, the latest and greatest.  She and I had been emailing back and forth for several days, she seemed to enjoy my pictures, she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and at 40, she was presumably mature enough to know how this dating thing works.  We agreed to meet for a drink Sunday night.  She even sent me an email on Saturday night telling me she was excited about it.  We were even chatting on google hours before the date and she said she loved me already.  I know it was kidding aroumd, but still...

So, she arrives at the bar, we hug, sit down, she orders wine, I order a beer.  We start chatting.  She drinks her wine, takes out ten dollars, says, "It was nice meeting you.  I'm gonna get going," leaves the ten bucks and walks out.  The whole "date" lasted all of ten minutes.

I'm willing to wager none of you have ever experienced anything quite like that.

And it's not like I told her she had nice tits, or sure had a purdy mouth, or anything.  I just told her about my life.  And not even the "I collect Jokers" thing.  I told her about my job, my college days... the usual stuff.  Up and left.  Drove all the way to Brookline (because she told me she lived in a "boring suburb"), spent ten minutes with me, and walked out.

Now, some of you might want to believe that I cursed this from the beginning, because before leaving my apartment, I told my roommate, "It can't be worse than the last one," the last one being Stone-Face, which is not a remark on her looks, but her rigid personality.  She basically refused to talk to me.  I mean, you're on a date woman!  Make some conversation!

But we're getting off-topic.  The topic isn't really curses.  The topic is why anyone would treat another human being this way, after several back-and-forth emails claiming that I was cool and she was excited to meet me.  Not sure if it was the hair (although she had seen the most recent photo of me), the beard (again, seen the photo), the shirt, the nose, or whatever.  Possibly the comics, but I'm pretty sure, looking back now, that she had made up her mind within moments of ordering the wine.  They say a woman knows within minutues of meeting a man if she will ever want to sleep with him, and I think this woman probably knew within seconds.

Still, I've been on a lot of first dates over the last few years, and all of them lasted longer than ten minutes.  My biggest gripe has always been that people aren't giving you chance after just one date, and this woman didn't even give me that.  And I honestly don't believe I cursed it, or that I'm somehow paying for sins past, because I would hope I've long since paid for those.  And I used to believe in karma, but really, I'm not that bad a guy, am I?  I know you get it back three-fold, but Jesus, I've never killed anyone.  And yet, this is the shit I'm getting back.  I fought my way back from the brink for this?

Anyone redaing this is probably saying the same thing everyone else has been saying; "That sucks, but you probably dodged a bullet there.  She sounds crazy."  Yeah, she probably is crazy, but she's probably saying the same thing right now to herself.  Or worse, she could be saying, "Great guy, just didn't sense the connection."  That's what everyone else has said.  I mean, where does it all end?  Personally, I'm tired of "dodging bullets."  I can't keep writing these people off as crazy and thinking that I'm okay.  Clearly, something is amiss, and I have no idea what it is.  And I'm not sure I want to bother to find out.

This whole dating world is just ri-fucking-diculous, and I'm pretty much done.  I know my friend has been saying that I shouldn't give up, but I'm not sure what else to do here.  I mean, would you continue to bang your head against a wall?  Of course not, because eventually, it just hurts too much.