Splitting My Eye Open

I know the title sounds gross, but I'll make it sound all rosey in a few. Read on. Or don't.

Recent happenings have shown me a few things. Most important among them? I used to be an angry asshole. Not an asshole in the sense that I did mean things to people (although I probably did on occasion), but just in the sense that I was always bitter and generally hated everything. I don't know what I was so pissed about all the time. I had a roof over my head and computer to write my angry blog on, and money to spend on beer and comics. And I got laid way more than I do now. What did I really have to complain about?

Whatever the reason, I recently re-read some of my old "Dursin's Dungeon" columns that I used to post on Secretmonkey.com, and was amazed at how much of a dick I sounded like. Granted, part of it was a character I was portraying to try and get a response (which rarely worked), but it still all came out of me, and it was kind of scary. It's a wonder anyone wanted to ever hang out with me.

Back to the present era now, and last weekend. I spent it in Biddeford, Maine, visiting my friend Melissa. She lives and works at U.N.E., which is on the coast of the Saco River, a stone's throw from where it meets the Atlantic Ocean. I'm not usually affected by things like that, but I found this very cool, and quite beautiful. We also visited a beach not far away with waves that dwarfed anything I've ever seen in Massachusetts. I never even knew Maine had beaches. Probably because I've never had much reason or desire to go to Maine. I'm a city boy. I love my concrete jungle and having the ability to do whatever I want at pretty much any moment. But Maine was actually a really nice place, and if I had to live anywhere besides a city, it would be near the water.

And this is why I am splitting my eye open. I'm not talking about just keeping an open mind or whatever. It has to go deeper. "Splitting my eye open" is a phrase that art students use to describe how to enhance the way they look at works of art. I'm stealing it because I need to enhance the way I look at life. I don't want to be that angry old sod anymore. For one thing, I want to see what happens when an angry young man is no longer young or angry. Hopefully I'll be happy with the results.