I have been having a debate with my friends over the last couple weeks about a certain dating misfortune I had recently. I'll refresh everyone's memory in a sec, but before I do, let's not get judgmental here. I am merely replaying the incident, and the subsequent reactions here for comedy's sake (and it's an interesting sociological study, really.)
So, a couple weeks ago, I was set up with a young lady for a date. We corresponded for some time via e-mail and decided that we would finally see each other on February 21st, conveniently skipping over Valentine's Day (Whew!) I was told that this person had a lot in common with me, and our e-mail exchanges were pleasant. However, I wasn't feeling a connection right off the bat. Just one of those things, really. Just no spark. Well, okay, I admit it. She went to Bot-Con, and while those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, that wasn't exactly a turn-on.
During dinner, I started to get an inkling that she really wasn't what I was looking for and was beginning to wonder if this was the same girl who I had been e-mailing (especially after she mentioned that she had a twin sister. I thought I had been the victim of some kind of Jack Tripper chicanery. But that's a whole other blog post). She seemed to be a toughie from Eastie, which is apparently ghetto for "East Boston," much like "Southie." Although I've never heard of Northies or Westies. She had lived there her whole life, even in pretty much the same neighborhood. It was strange. I had heard about people like that in all those crappy movies about Boston, but I had never actually met anyone like that in real life. I'm sheltered.
Here's the kicker; after dinner, which I paid for despite my reservations on the matter, she told me that she needed to "hit the head." Not, "Excuse me. I have to go to the ladies room," or "I have to powder my nose," or even, "I gots ta pee." Nope.
I mean, were her teeth floating? Did she have to drain the lizard? Drop a deuce? Even I excused myself to use the rest room, and I'm a guy. Even with my close friends I try to be a little less crude than that. And this was our first date. And last. I know that I am a Seinfeld fan and this is sort of something he would do, but I see myself with someone slightly more refined and lady-like than a woman who would say "I gotta hit the head" on their first date. Bottom line; I found it vulgar, and if that's the kind of person she was, I would not be seeing her again.
But the most interesting part of this was the varying reactions I got when I presented this scenario to my friends. Some were mad at me for judging someone based on this (They think that's bad. Little did they know I almost didn't even go to the dinner when I first saw her. She asked, "Are you Matt?" and I almost said, "Nope" and ran.) Some said, "You're being a jerk. That's nothing. Just the way she is." That may be, but it's not attractive. Some sort of agreed with me that it was an odd thing to say on a first date, but still didn't see it as a deal-breaker. And a very few laughed hysterically (with me or at me, I'm still not sure), and made some impressive toilet jokes. Some had never even heard the expression before, which should be a good indicator of how weird it was.
I think those who criticized me for being too judgmental or too harsh were simply disappointed that I went on a date and didn't find that special someone, because it seems like they are really pulling for me to find true love and blah, blah, blah. But when they did criticize, days later with a little more perspective, I said, "She can say and do whatever she wants. It doesn't mean I want to date her."
I feel that we have to stick with what we're attracted to. It's all we have, really. I feel that some people make sacrifices on the little things because there's at least someone to go out with, but really, the devil is in the details, and those little things are indicative of their personality. Granted, I'm not perfect. I over-analyze things and generally am pretty emotion-less. And if someone said, "I can't date him, he's too analytical and emotion-less," I'd understand. But the second I budge on "hitting the head," then I might as well throw it all out the window and date whoever comes along.
In the end, I will put up with a lot of things in a partner. I don't care all that much about hair-color or if someone is too tall or doesn't have any money or whatever. I just want someone who is honest (with me and themselves) and decent and who doesn't use vulgar terminology to describe their bathroom duties. Is that asking for too much?