Tomorrow (well, in a matter of hours, really), I am having my bronchoscopy-with-a-side-of-lung-plug procedure. If that makes no sense, it means that a doctor is going to insert devices and things down my throat and seal the hole in my lung, which I was told is about 90% healed anyway. I don't know exactly how this is done, but I know that I will be under a lot of anesthesia for it, will not not have to be cut open, and will probably be consuming vast amounts of pizza when it is over. Or perhaps U-burger.
This should be the culmination of a long, healing process that started back in March. Maybe in the grand scheme, March to July isn't that long, but living each day for these three months the way I have been (4 hospital stays, a lung wash, an iron infusion, infusing myself with daily antibiotics in my arm for a month, draining a chest tube, visiting nurses, etc.), it seems like an eternity. But I feel like this is the climax. Or at least it better be. Obviously, there will still be steroids and other meds and another recovery period, but this really should be a turning point in this whole struggle, and I can finally begin looking forward, and liking what I'm seeing. A normal life never looked so good.
A lot of people have said that I am handling all this well. I'm never sure how to answer them. It's obviously a compliment, but I also think that a lot of these people who say that didn't see me in the hospital, being grumpy at all the doctors. Or maybe grumpiness is allowed under the circumstances. I don't know. I haven't had time to worry about how well I'm handling it, because I'm too busy actually handling it. And I'll be honest; it sucked. Sorry to be so brutally honest. It was Hell, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone and if it built up a little character and made me realize that there are a lot of good people in the world, that's great, but I'd certainly trade it in for not having to go through it all again. Kind of a no-win scenario.
So, as I reach this turning point, thanks again to everyone who kept me in their thoughts and prayers. I certainly couldn't have handled it so well without that encouragement. And if you're reading this and don't know if you're one of those people, it probably means you're near the top of the list because decent, unselfish people always do that. That's what makes them who they are. But as far as beating the Kobayashi Maru scenario, and the whole Captain Kirk, "How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life" thing, I can only say this: I handled it by handling it. I just did what I was supposed to do when I was supposed to do it. Yeah, it wasn't fun, ever. But the only way out was up. So, up I went.
Oh, and I watched a lot of Netflix. So, that's my other recommendation.