Monday, May 30, 2011

Update - Time Goes Bye

Two weeks is a long time.
This is by far my longest hospital stay of the four I've had since the end of March.  Tomorrow, May 31st, will mark two weeks.  I've been through four roommates, daily chest X-rays, CT scans, and countless chest tube boxes, and no doubt thousands of dollars.
The physical update is that things are looking much better, and the second surgery that they feared was absolutely necessary a week ago has been indefinitely postponed.  They have decided to stop flushing the lung every six hours to see how I handle that.  My kidneys have shown vast improvement, and my blood sugars are back on track.  So, we're continuing to watch the lung and the infection.  Hopefully, I will be sent home in a couple days, most probably with a chest tube and possibly a penicillin pump and a visiting nurse.
But it beats this.
I have written a lot in the past about the passage of time.  But it usually had to do with how old I felt I was getting.  This is a little different.  I have not left this hospital (Hell, barely this room) in two weeks.  It's humbling to say the least.  I have come to grips with the fact that I will not wake up tomorrow and it be miraculously cured and have this never have happened.  But that is just the way it goes.
Mostly, I am learning that there are only so many ways to pass the time.  Books, internet, Netflix streaming.  The Red Sox recent hot streak.  All great boons for sure.  I'd go insane without them.  But in the end, it is just me and my thoughts.  Honestly?  The small talk with the guys who bring me to my chest X-rays has gotten old.  The hospital menu?  Old.  Any sort of hospital humor?  Old.  This is not me being bitter, either.  This is the reality we live in.  The Royal Wedding was a big deal, and that got old, too.  Things get old and people move on.  Except when they can't actually go anywhere or do anything.
I've heard from a lot of people how great a job I am doing dealing with this.  I never really know how to respond, because I don't think I'm doing anything extraordinary.  This is reality, and this is what you do when it kicks you in the teeth.  What was my alternative?  Off the deep end?  Suicide?  Clearly, This is a new storyline on the Matt Dursin Show, and this is how it is being written.  But as far as what goes on between the scenes, well, that is the part I'm having the most trouble dealing with.  


Clay N. Ferno | Clay Fernald said...

Thanks for the update, Dursin!

You are dealing with this well, and writing these blog posts help you and your friends, believe it or not.

As far as the passage of time goes, it no doubt SUCKS to be in the hospital for two weeks. Just remember that we only have one day to get through and that is today.

Using the 'one day at a time' mantra helps me with my struggles, and it finally made sense to me. Not in a 'program' or 'recovery' way, but in a 'how am I going to live this life, now?' kind of way.

We're all thinking about breaking you out of there, my brother. Sit tight and take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time if you got too. White knuckle it into the home stretch and you'll be home in no time!

-your brah,


A Fool said...

Thanks, brah. It is interesting to think the think the different-yet-the-same kinds of struggles people go through every day. And it definitely helps to know that folks are thinking about me and wishing me well. Keep it up!