Things happen to me. I swear.
I saw Incredible Hulk tonight, and enjoyed it, which is odd enough, but that's not the really strange part of the evening. I was on my way home, walking up Kelton St. near Comm. Ave, and listening to Warren Zevon (who was an actual bad person), and this woman flags me down, motioning to her car, which is pretty much in the middle of the street. She proceeds to tell me, in a very heavy accent, that she has only been driving for two days and can't seem to park her car. I was trying to figure out what she wanted me to do, but my first reaction was that she wanted me to wave her in. Not so much.
She wanted me to park her car.
I tried to tell her that I wasn't a very good driver myself, but she seems to understand very little English (which makes me wonder how she even got a license, let alone a prime parking space in my neighborhood.) So, I get in her car, which is running, and has her purse sitting on the passenger's seat. Bear in mind, I'm listening to Warren Zevon, the guy who wrote "Mr. Bad Example."
Cursing my Catholic upbringing, I actually did a very sweet parallel parking job, probably due to the fact that I didn't give a crap what happened to her car. I wished her luck and walked on, taking note to stay on the sidewalk from now on.
Now, I should be thinking about what a good deed I had just done. However, I mind keeps drifting to a wild ride through Brookline, leaving the car on some side street with the engine running and taking all her cash and leaving the purse. What was she going to do? Chase me? Identify me to the cops? it was pitch black out there? She would almost deserve it for being such a trusting fool. One day she'll ask the wrong person to be her valet and that will happen. Better it happen with someone like me who would only concern himself with the cash and not out-and-out steal her car.
Sometimes I hate being good person, because I see so many opportunities to be lousy. Like Robin Hood or something, robbing from the rich to feed the poor. It just so happens in this situation, I'm the Robin Hood and The Poor. Let's face it, there are billionaires who cheated their way to the top, and poor people like me who do the right thing most of the time. And what does it get me? A spot in Heaven? Good karma? Yeah, well, karma can't pay the rent, folks.
Now I'm mad.