A Bad Man

This man is my god. Look at this quote: "I guess when you don't feel good and you still get hits, that's when you know you are a bad man."

The Friendship/Sex Impasse

Keeping with the theme of my last post, and in conversations I've had recently with my friend Heidi, I've realized more things about this Uber-single phenomenon.

Hides was having a saga with a friend of hers (a male), who had confessed some "feelings" for her (unrequited, of course. Because that's how these sagas work), and we got to talking about friendship and sex. people like this guy usually think that if you're friends with someone and you have this crush, eventually things will happen and you'll get together. I know because I've been there. But it's not just about taking the friendship and adding sex, even though that what these people (and once, me) think will happen. The friendship doesn't work anymore, because you effectively end that in favor of this new thing, which ends up being not what you envisioned. I don't know if it's because sex ruins everything, or the emotions tied up in that do, or if the closeness causes people to go nutters. Or the nudity. But whatever it is, the friendship can't take it and is almost always ruined in the end. This was covered on what is one of the best episodes of Seinfeld ever, where Jerry and Elaine decide to "take this, and add that," and sleep together. It didn't even work for them, because there is always "The Other."

The point: I would rather keep my friends and get my sex elsewhere (or not, as the case may be). No matter how strongly I may feel about them, you just can't trade friendship for sex. Obviously, sometimes the planets align and it works out for the best, but for my money, my friendships are more valuable to me than that. I'll just have to find somebody who isn't my friend and sleep with them. Then I have nothing to lose.

Uber-Single

Here's the story of my Friday night (because, you know it always has to be a story.)

I met my friend John for drinks and dinner on Friday night at the Fowler House in the Quinzzzz. We watched the game and had a few pops (He's moved up to Rum and Cokes now. He used to only drink Margaritas.) At that point, the Yankees were winning by three and Mariano was in, so we left, figuring there would be no celebration that night.

On my train ride home, I heard rumblings that the Yankees had lost. "That can't be," I reasoned. Still, I got off the train and went to a bar near my house, and found the celebration on TV. It was true! So, I celebrated with a beer.

After a few moments, a young lady sits next to me, so we strike up a conversation. She's an Emerson grad and works at Christopher's in Porter Square, rigth near where I used to live. We're hitting it off. We talked for over an hour, and I'm about to make my move when I notice that she's talking to the bartender an awful lot. "You know that guy?" I ask.

"He's my boyfriend."

Thank you. You're a beautiful audience. Good night.

Grrrr... If I had known she had a boyfriend, I would have had one beer and left. People like that shouldn't even talk to other people in bars. What was she thinking?

The next day, I had lunch with my friend Chrsitine, who coined what to me is the phrase of the decade: Uber-single. I don't know how to make that little symbol thing over the "U," but you get the point. Or maybe you don't, so I'll explain. The idea being that someone (like myself) is sssooooo single, that they probably couldn't survive in a relationship (even a good one) because they would feel trapped. The very term "single' has become a bad word these days, almost coming to mean "lonely" or "loser." To me, it refers to "independance" more than either of those. I have become so independant in these last few years that I have steered myself completely away from relationships, and even when one comes along, I would probably spurn the poor person soon enough, feeling crushed even if I'm not. There's probably a middle ground between uber-single and, well, most of my coupled friends, but I don't know if I know how to get there.

The best thing was that John told me not to change anything, because I'm one of the few friends he has whom his wife can stand, and who he can call up on almost any given night and ask if I want to go see a bad movie. And let's face it; is any relationship worth giving up that?